After spending the weekend with some confident and empowering ladies last weekend and then hearing some of their own personal body acceptance & confidence stories at Model XL the body confidence pageant it had me reflecting on my own personal journey and made me want to talk about my story and how I’m becoming more accepting and confident with myself. It might be a long post you should probably make a cup of tea, settle down and grab a biscuit. Chocolate variety would be best.
My story of being plus size doesn’t come from one of bullying, heartbreak or anything else. I don’t have something that’s happened in my life to pin point the moment I became plus size. I just did and I just am.
I was a happy healthy kid wouldn’t of called myself chubby, just pretty average to be honest. When I was around 12 or 13 years old is when I first noticed I was bigger than most of the girls in my year at school but not massively so.
As I grew up into my teens I got bigger around a 16/18 when I was 16 years old and my weight has fluctuated ever since. In my teenage years I really hated my body and my size and I tried everything from Lighterlife (milkshake meal replacements – YUCK, this “fad” ended in Tesco’s ready meal aisle with me crying about mashed potato) I then tried the cabbage soup diet (yes that’s a real thing), I went to an audition for the Biggest Loser UK and got down to the final bunch of people, I joined Weightwatchers and I even went as far as trying to get a loan so I could have a gastric band. Drastic unhealthy thoughts lead to drastic measures.
As the years went on I got bigger and smaller but never less than a size 18. I had a terrible “relationship” that put me in a really bad mind set about myself and when that finished I ate my feelings for a while. It was then one night in our local pub I met husband Angus. It wouldn’t be fair to say anything less than meeting him changed my life.
Now I don’t want him to get a big head when he reads this but when we first started dating, he slowly showed me how someone should love another person. He loved me exactly as I was. He never tried to change me or hint at me to change. He told me I was beautiful right from the world go. At first I didn’t believe him – how could someone so handsome and lovely be interested in my fat self. He continually showed me love and unconditional support for everything in my life and with his support I began to accept myself and love myself. I felt so happy and confident in life that I didn’t bother to diet for our wedding day. I got married to my best friend on the happiest day of our lives wearing a beautiful plus size wedding dress. I was a happy fat bride and I wouldn’t change a thing about our wedding day bingo wings and all.
He has and still pushes me to wear whatever the hell I want to wear and not care about anyone else and their opinions and without his support and sometimes unwanted pushes I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t have been a finalist in a plus size beauty pageant that was featured in national press and on TV, I wouldn’t have made some amazing friends in the plus size community, I wouldn’t have worn some of the amazing dresses that I wear all the time now, I wouldn’t have been the Face of Style XL or modelled on the catwalk!
I still have a long way to go on my body acceptance and confidence journey. I wouldn’t even say I’m a quarter of the way there but the most important thing I must remind myself of every day is that I am making my way there. It’s a journey not a sprint. I want to be truly confident in myself and to love myself unconditionally. I’ll get there one day but until then I’ll keep on rocking what I’ve got and enjoy life in the moment!
That’s all I’ve got for now but I’m still very much on my journey and I still wobble here and there. If you want to share the moment you realised you were worth more than a clothes size or the weight on the scales please feel free! I’d also love to hear ways you have become confident and accepting some little tips and tricks!